Phlip posted this into the XP-ML.
Smalltalk is an amazing and legendary language
divulged to humans by Prometheus. This angered the
gods enough they condemned him to refactor a big ball
of Hadean mud for all eternity.
Smalltalk can only be used by humans with a psi power
greater than 17, with adjustments. Smalltalk
programmers do not type, they lean their heads towards
their monitors, and meditate. The more advanced
programmers do not even need monitors.
Smalltalk responds to their thought patterns by
testing itself, coding itself, and refactoring itself.
When humans with low psi powers need to _see_
Smalltalk, it manifests itself as a physical avatar of
a series of almost meaningless ^: characters,
interspersed with intention-revealing selectors.
Squinting at these symbols will reveal a Mandala
symbolizing the 7th Chakra of the nearest programmer
who is romantically involved, if any.
Smalltalk itself generates its own refactoring
browser, test rig, IDE, and 3D graphics subsystems as
you write your program with it. So as you structure
your program, Smalltalk uses that structure to
generate the refactoring browser needed to refactor
its structure. This is why some advanced Smalltalk
Gurus know the best way to program Smalltalk is to
simply pick up the CPU and shake it.
The only reason such an obviously superior language
has not taken over the world is because it interferes
with the plans of the astral Lizard People, and their
avatars and representatives among us. These can be
recognized by their MCSD plaques, their years of
experience writing distributed application servers
that serve application distributors, and - especially
- their books with code samples in Java.